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The older boys went to Kentucky last week and Mr. and I just reveled in the joy of healthy children.  I am so grateful to the Lord for that.  There certainly was no reason for us to be spared. We are not special or unique and I never  say that such and such can never happen to us and it makes me all the more grateful when we are spared.  I am very aware that things can change in a heartbeat.

J went to see the dermatologist Tuesday and we got a formal psoriasis diagnosis.  We already knew that is what it was but with everything else that was happening we thought it best to get a team together.  The dr was great and very sensitive.  The main part is on his face, around his eyes.  At 11 he is quite aware and embarrassed.  His peer group is not shy about asking, “What’s wrong with your face?”    I would love to tell him that there won’t always be people asking that question but I have had too many adults look at him with crinkled noses and say, “What’s wrong with your kids face?” …sigh…  He will learn to shrug it off and I will too.   The Elidel is working well so far.  I am scared about the side effects and will use it with great discretion but at least he isn’t itchy and he doesn’t have any scales. 

During our week sans big brothers we went to the ECHO center  and watched the fish.   We even got to throw mud off of the balcony.  Such fun!  One day we played in the hose and sunned ourselves in the driveway.  It snowed the very next day and we went shopping.   Such is life in Vermont.  One day you are sweating, the next day there is a foot of snow on the ground.   We ordered fancy take-out and had a carpet picnic and we all tried to squeeze into one bed to  snuggle in and watch a movie, only to realize that we are all so much bigger than we used to be.  We made it work but it reminded me how quickly things change and how it makes me appreciate each individual moment so much more.

The week flew by and only in the quietest moments did I have a chance to sit and really miss the boys.  It is hard being away from them but good practice for when they are not with me every day anymore.   They had such a wonderful time in Kentucky engaging in fellowship, evangelistic opportunities and serving many churches in the area by working on demolition, rebuilding and landscaping.  All in an effort to encourage the Gospel to move forward and touch more hearts.  They came back dirty and tired but very happy and with a renewed spirit to serve. 

This week has been about getting back into our rhythm of daily life and tackling the mountain of laundry that comes back with two boys who have been gone for 8 days.

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Nineteen Years

So this kind of sums up the last nineteen years of my life with this man of mine.

This morning during our morning phone call I ask

“Jim, do you think that with all of this snow…”

“Yes Dear, the baby bunnies will be just fine.” 

“How did you know what I was going to ask?” 

“Because I know you so well.”

I ignore this bold statement based on the fact that he is completely right

“Are you sure I don’t need to go out and do anything to help them keep warm?”

“No, their mother will take care of them.” 

“You’re sure?”

“I am sure.”

“I don’t want to find dead baby bunnies when we clean out the garden.”

“You won’t find dead baby bunnies when we clean out the garden.”

“You’re sure?”

“I am sure!”

“Ok then I hope you’re right.” 

He moved on to a new topic.

The other night he gently reminded me that bunnies have been around forever and have been caring for themselves without my assistance and that he is sure they can manage now.   Sigh

He does know me so well and despite that fact he loves me anyway!

Answered Prayers

The dr finally called and everything came back within normal limits and the tests for leukemia and psoriatic arthritis were negative.  Praise the Lord everything is fine.  They have him on a chronic call status and will evaluate his pain and symptoms every few months.  In the meantime we will see the dermatologist for the psoriasis and hopefully get it under control.  I think I can breathe again.

A watched pot never boils and a phone in hand never rings.

As I continue to sit on pins and needles waiting for the phone call about J’s blood tests I will share a cute rabbit tale from the weekend to keep me from going completely and utterly insane.

Yesterday while trying to work a hose through the garden Mr. disturbed a pile of leaves in the corner of the garden  and out scooted a baby bunny. Poor little thing sat there for just about forever before moving again. In the meantime we scared her poor brother or sister too and that one ran into the neighbor’s yard where the big mean dog lives.  We could not see her at all and have no idea how far she hopped.  Poor little thing.

Thankfully Mr.  loves his crazy wife and went to ask the neighbor to watch out for the baby bunny and try to shoo it back this way so it can rejoin its  litter mate.  They are both still laughing at me (Mr. and the neighbor, not the baby bunnies.  They wouldn’t laugh at me.  They would thank me for my great care and concern.  Bunnies are gracious like that).

My baby bunnies are a no-show this morning. I am hoping they burrowed back deep into the leaf pile but I won’t dare try to look. I did an internet search last night and most likely since we didn’t destroy the nest or try to take the babies everything should be fine and Mama should not be too angry.  I would love to sit down with her and explain the situation and assure her we meant no harm but since this isn’t Alice in Wonderland (talking rabbits)  and I haven’t eaten any special mushrooms I will just have to rely on the mother rabbits instincts and schedule a therapy appointment for myself  to work on letting go of the guilt. 

 I do kind of feel like Mr. McGregor now and somehow expect to find a little blue coat with a missing button hanging on the garden fence.

 

Could this little thing be any cuter?

Waiting

Waiting is hard no matter what it is we are waiting for but today is excruciating because today I am waiting for test results.  Yesterday I took my third born son in for a well-child exam and expressed some concerns.  Apparently Dr. Brad shared those concerns and then some and immediately sent us in for a blood draw at the hospital.  So here I sit waiting for someone, anyone to call me and tell me that everything is fine.  We have called them twice already this morning and the dr has not had a chance to read the early reports.  How can people  be lax about possibly holding information about  someones future in their very hands.  Probably because they do it tons of times a day, every day and it just makes their lives easier.  For me this is as close to torture as I ever want to be.

A Moment in Time

I am coming up on the 19th anniversary of the weekend I met my husband.  We have been talking a lot about that night and about how we really feel that we were meant to meet. 

In the meantime I have been cleaning and found some old love letters and pictures.  For some reason it never dawned on me that we met on April 27th and were married on February 27th.  Not that this is a big deal but the same date made me smile for some reason.

  Even more smile invoking was finding a picture from one of those photo booths from back in 91′.  There used to be a store downtown that looked like an old general store.  They had wooden floors and barrels for displaying things.  It was so charming and quaint and adorable.  Off to one side was a photo booth that took 5 black and white photos.  We were so young and adorable.  For some reason only known to me in the moment I not only dated the back of that photo but wrote the time as well, December 10, 1991, 5:00 pm.  What makes this so wild is that one year to the day and almost to the hour I found out that we were expecting our first child.  Again not earth moving but it was so cool to see us where we were one year before.  A little pause in time, two people who had no real idea of what lay ahead of them.

I have enjoyed reading those old letters.  My husband was quite the romantic and wrote to me almost daily.  He included his thoughts and feelings, as well as, poems and song lyrics.  I love him then but I could never have imagined how much more I would love him now.

My cold will not go away.  I am tired.  I am tired because my body is fighting off these combative germs and I am tied because I cough all of the time ( or what feels like all of the time) and I am not sleeping.

I mustered up all of my energy yesterday to clean the kitchen and make Mr. a decent meal and a pineapple upside down cake.  We were celebrating his lateral move to a new dept. at work.  No more money now but potential for movement later and more exposure.   It was worth every ounce of effort. 

It was an early night so I was able to go to bed at a normal time but I cannot go to sleep until the wee hours because of the coughing and for some unknown reason I was wide awake at 4:30 am.  I read in bed until 6:15 when Mr. gets up and continued laying in bed for a while longer.  Sleep evaded me.  So today I will just have to go along with my 2 hours of rest. 

I was looking back and have realized that it has been about 5 weeks of illness in this house.  Five weeks of sitting around coughing, throwing up  and not feeling well.  It is frustrating.  My head says, “Get up, do some stuff, live life.”  My body shouts back, “Sit down and remain still so that my parts don’t hurt anymore.”  My body wins every argument but life goes on and the chores are piling up and kids need tending (ever notice how quickly they rebound and with every decade of life rebounding gets harder and harder?) 

True spring is coming and although I cannot seem to remember life before my head cold from hell I am pretty sure I can be hopeful that it will end.  I will breathe again, I will be able to talk in a full sentence without a 15 minute coughing fit, I will be able to live life freely once more!